Saturday, August 11, 2007


The thing with the world is that there is so much sorrow and hatred in it. So much that if all the sorrow and hatred were brought together at one place the weight would cause the earth to suck itself into a black hole. OK, bad logic. But that is the truth. There is lot of sorrow and hatred in the world. And to prevent the above catastrophe from happening, all that sorrow and hatred is distributed uniformly throughout the entire surface of the earth.

Why only on the surface, why not beneath it? Well, us human beings don't live beneath the surface now do we? That is, all the above mentioned gigantic amount of sorrow and hatred is in the hearts and minds of men/women alone. All other life forms ranging from single celled bacteria to a sea horse have found a nice balance with the nature and the other life forms around them. They seem to be happy to live and let live.

Human beings on the other hand are greedy idiots. They are proud that they have the highest brain-body ratio. They are arrogant and assume that some 300(or whatever) million years of evolution was, in some way, primarily to give way to the man/woman kind. It is us human-beings who seek more and more and roam around greedily on this planet. Look what he did to the dodo .Look what he did to the ozone layer. Look what he did to the forests. Look what he did to the beautiful snow covered mountains of Switzerland. Look what he did to the Sumatran rhinoceros in remote forests of Sumatra (well I don’t know what exactly he did but he sure isn’t leaving that poor shy creature alone).Look what he did to the Hindi movies, not one is viewable. Look what he did to the internet; damned thing is filled with bogus crap and porn. Look what he did to almost everything.

And for all the miseries amidst which I live I blame one thing. The apple. The apple made Adam and Eve do naughty things and give birth to another idiot. And from then on the process never stopped. Now we have a planet full of idiots. The apple fell down from a tree & hit a particular guy's head & made way to a whole new era in a whole new subject which I had to read for my JEE preparation .And lastly, and this is one of my personnel troubles, the apple is an annoyingly difficult fruit to eat or cut or both .

I also blame Pandora for opening that idiotic box. I blame Sir Robert Clive for winning the battle of Plassey and laying the foundation for the British conquest of India. I blame Archduke Franz Ferdinand for dying and thus triggering off the World War I which may be said to be the cause of 33% of the world's present miseries. 33% of the rest might be due to the 2nd world war and the remaining 33% is the result of the pure insanity of human actions.

I could have been born on a planet in another solar system which had millions of sunny beaches with half-naked women running around.

I could have been born on a planet where all the tree leaves where made of chocolate & all the creepers were maggi noodles.

I could have been born at a place where all the food that one could get was Italian and nothing else.

I could have been born at a place where the oceans and other water bodies were of tea/coffee instead of water (tea/coffee bodies they would be).

I could have been born there where money grew on trees and no one had to prepare for campus recruitment.

I could have been born on a comet so cold that I could have to drink hot chocolate and soup, but then they would become cold. Drop that

I could have been born on a star so hot that I could get all the ice-cream I wanted. But that ice cream would melt away. Drop that too.


All my wishes need the planet earth to exist. While I thought I could live happily without this planet .I need earth for the Italian food, for the maggi, for the tea and for the half naked women most importantly. All the pleasures of my dream world would have to come from earth. But then I would want to live on earth because all the beautiful (and tasty) things I need would be there.

It would be filled with sorrow but it would also be filled happiness. It would have jealousy and deceit but there would also be trust and friendship. It would be cruel but there would also be kindness. It would have hate, but it would also have love. It would have internet filled with porn but it would also have or orkut or Wikipedia. There would be poverty but there would be the wealth of culture and heritage. There would be thieves and there would be the police. There would be Windows but there would also be Linux.

And the thus the world would be filed with great many thing to explore and experience .I am glad I was born. I am glad I live here; here in this world filled with so much sorrow and hatred that its combined mass would make the earth suck itself into a black hole.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Ready for take-off

Aeroplane.It has been a fascination for the young and the old .The sight of one stands as an advantage for many mothers who struggle to stuff some food into their offspring's mouth . For the toddlers it is truly a mystery as to how that thing {which is not a bird} can fly. And when they reach high school ,Bernoulli comes in with his 'principle' and destroys the mystery and shatters all the mind-blowing theories they might have developed in the context. When it was introduced I am sure it was a rich man's thing {as with any new technology} ,but now thanks to globalisation , liberalization and privatization {as my economics teacher used to say} a new and wonder full concept of low-cost flying has emerged. Low-cost or economical airliners call it what ever u want but there is not denial of the fact that it has made air-travel a dream come true for the so called middle class man/women .

I remember very well my first flight .The moment my mother came bursting through the door and announced that we were going to Bangalore{from Hyderabad} on a plane , I started crying .The endless list of movies with plane crashes and wailing heroines is bound to leave its effect you see. But the flight was real fun . The unlimited chocolates i could have.The neatly arranged snack that they gave us etc etc. I, as a 9 year old was marveled when I saw houses reduced to the size of matchboxes and lakes and ponds becoming tiny blue/green spots on the terrain. Apart from that I have always wondered ,even till date, as to how the air-hostess perform their perfectly synchronized "dance" regarding the safety instructions.They never miss depicting beautifully even a single instruction that is being recited wonderfully in the mics that are hidden systematically .Off course the low-cost airliner does not offer the unlimited stock of chocolates or the packed snack but it sure does allow me to avoid a nasty 36 hour train ride back to my home.

During my recent trips back home by (aahemmmm!!) flight I happened to arrive at the airport some two and a half before my flight.Since I had nothing to do ,I decided to look around and read each and every security information my eyes could find . And I have to say some of them can be really funny and intriguing .For what ever reason ,a particular group of men chose to ram a building with an aeroplane ,the airport security has become more severe.My ticket was checked 5 times and my bag had to go through 2 X-ray scanners which they would have found out to contain nothing other than clothes. As I stood in line to get myself through the metal detector I happened to notice a rule which barred a passenger from taking pickles in the flight . Now until my plane took off I thought about all possible ways in which a passenger can harm the rest and put their lives in jeopardy by using a jar or packet of pickle. All I could think of was that, the passenger would smear the faces of the flight attendants and pilot and co-pilot and some passengers if necessary with his "highly lethal pickle" and hence take over the plane.Just imagine something of this sort happening . The news headlines will read something like "PLANE HIJACKED : MANGO PICKLE USED AS CHIEF WEAPON" . Immediately all the mango pickle industries will be slammed anti-social elements and will result in large scale protest. Thousands of forwards will be sent requesting the closure of these industries. Communities in orkut will be created which will be titled 'anti-pickle' or "we hate pickle" or some such thing. And should the industry yield to these protests and hence close down, the entire population of Telugu people will be up in arms because as I have learned living with them, it is very difficult for them to live and eat knowing that the world production of mango pickle (avvakayya)has stopped.

There was this other rule that if under any circumstances the flight gets over-loaded the concerned authorities have to right to decide which passenger (or article) should be off-loaded. Now ,if under any circumstances the former must occur--imagine the plight of the poor person who till that moment called himself a passenger of that flight. The heavier people will try to hide themselves against all odds.

But no such things happened and I had a safe flight.No wind blowing in my face like in the train or the never ending rhyme of "ticket-ticket" as in the case of a bus . Air travel offers its own trills and I believe it is worth every rupee just for the sheer fun of flying.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Credit Devatta Namo Namaha

Engineers and Credit

Well, it is my privilege to write about something as great and wonderful as credit.

I am an engineer in the making, in other words I am a college student; a college student in India. This means that I am not employed in any part time job which pays for my expenses. The money required for my futile needs is sent to me by my loving mother or caring brother. And as is the case with the majority of the students, the money in my wallet (like all other things in this world) does not last for ever. Replenish able –yes. But not ever lasting. And when the phenomenon of running out of money occurs, the divine power of credit shines upon a mortal soul.

No money for tea??? No cash for cappuccino??? Just step up to the concerned seller and say “please add it to my account” or typically “mere account mein likhe lena” (try for a facial expression which make you look constipated). And you will have your tea (or cappuccino).Ahhh, the taste!!!!!!!. The feeling of walking away without paying gives a profound sense of satisfaction and in that feeling the tea tastes even better.

What I am writing about is not to be confused with the loans that we take from our dear friends from time to time. Both the credit and the loan system have flourished due to the financial deficit of an individual...but taking loan is different from credit. Loan is borrowing money and that is not good. Because borrowing money makes you feel poor and the other party richer (though both your respective parents might be working in government offices and are always trying to save that extra rupee). This might leave you with a sense of inferiority (which is not good).

Credit, that I am writing about is entirely different. It is the process or idea which allows one to pay his bills when he/she wants to or feels like paying them .The money that I have might be needed for other, more important things thus prompting me not to pay for my tea immediately. For example my mother used to buy the supplies and all the stuff from the near by kirana store and pay him at the end of the month when she received her salary. In the interim, the money she had was spent on more important things, namely, us: - her children. For our chocolates or cakes or chips packet, etc etc (sob!!! I love her).

So u see credit helps you prioritize your financial expentidure.WOW!!!! How wonderful it sounds when it is put that way. Another example, the 10Rs I have will buy me a nice cool cup of cold coffee. But I might need it to pay for the Xerox of an assignment which is to be submitted by evening. And thus the cold coffee goes in as credit (by reciting the above mentioned mantra to the Nescafe stall fellow) and the money for the Xerox is paid. Off course, one might ask as to why the cold coffee is needed when I have no money?? But you see that is the whole idea of credit my friend. Fulfilling your little pleasures even in the momentary deficit of money. The useless yet important phone calls to your girlfriend(hoping you have one),the tea which you need even though it is 12 in the night, the shirt that has to be washed urgently because you have nothing else to wear ;everything can be done by paying homage to the ‘MAHAN CREDIT DEVATTA’

I do not have strong evidence to prove that the female students in our college practice the holy tradition of credit. But judging from the above example of my mother, I am sure they will put it in action at some or the other point of life.

So you see my friends. It is unavoidable. It teaches you many things. It fulfills your little needs.BUT.Be careful. That wallet of yours will be filled with currency at some or the other time and at that time you better pay up. Or kiss your tea (or cappuccino) good-bye.

Saturday, March 24, 2007


C S I (Conservative South Indian) Male

Whether it is the frustration of not having a girl-friend in my college life or the jealousy of seeing other guys roaming around with pretty ones by their side or the longing that I have to endlessly talk over the cell phone walking to and fro in my hostel corridor or simply and attempt to present the facts; whatever be the reason that has prompted me to write this post. One thing I will declare openly in the very beginning is that this post is about me and other C S I males like me.

The C S I male???!!! New term??? .That is short for the Conservative South Indian male {henceforth referred to as C S I male}.Firstly what does conservative mean. According to the oxford it is about being opposed to changes and following traditional ways. It is about purposely being low for the sake of caution. Everyone is conservative in some or the other aspects of life like money, education etc but the south Indian has the speciality of being conservative in his approach to the divine feminine. In simple language – girls. This post is about such males.

Lot has been said and heard, written and read about the C S I male but he still refuses to change. I know that because I am one of them.

No risk what so ever we want to take: - trying to talk to a girl or hunting for a girlfriend. The thing that I consider 'it' has a ‘risk’ must tell you something. We are in no way capable of finding a ‘friend’ in the opposite sex. The very idea of talking or the simply saying “hi” needs lot of thought and practice (no practical for this). The only person I have to help me out in this regard is my dear old mother, who unfortunately gives an advice fit for a Telugu/other south Indian movie story (OR the very advice is picked straight of some useless movie). Either the reply is typical (which I already know, but am expecting something different) or some this ‘outrageous’ (which I don’t wan to accept).And her comes the problem. We simply don’t want to change our views or opinion about girl or all this 'stuff' (what stuff is I can’t explain ….it just is …..Stuff) .

Welcome to the world of the romantically handicapped south Indian male. Where every conversation no matter how small if remembered and treasured as an achievement ,where the very task of saying hi to a batch mate requires herculean effort and iron will , where the thought of going up to an girl and saying something needs countless rehearsals in the mind. I know that none of the above require for us {us as in other C S I males like me} as smart as Madhavan or as brawny as hrithik .But still we stumble at the very beginning of the ‘process’. As long as a girl appears before me as a chat window or as a orkut scrap I have no problem in replying but face to face?? I can’t find the strength to lift my eyes off the ground below {leave alone those’ beautiful eyes’ and stuff like that}.

Hyderabad being a hard-sore southie land is expected to be filled with C S I males .But NO. the pizza corners ,the multiplexes and the eat-street have changed all that .unfortunately or fortunately I had to leave Hyderabad at the right time and land my sorry self at Dhanbad{please refer atlas}for my degree . Now, the female population here is pretty scarce and thus the poor old C S I male has few chances of changing himself. The hip-hop north Indian on the other hand seems to require no reason at all to go up to a girl and start blabbering rubbish in her ears. DAMN!!!!! If only I could find that much ‘courage’ in me.

Then again what is wrong in being a C S I male?? When I am old enough I will fill my profile in some matrimony site, apply to some newspapers and my girl will be found in no time. Chi…chi…chi. I sound like a 40 year old unmarried guy with half an acre of clean ground on his head.

I wish I could change and be a ladies man (or something close). But……all in good time ma friend….all is good time. That is what my C S I male brain / heart says to me. So ……until then I guess the girls have to wait for the Romantic Raghavan to arrive