Tuesday, February 12, 2019

Survey of arguments for marriage

In this post, I am presenting a survey of arguments that are advanced by various people (mainly family members) to convince someone to get married. These arguments have been sourced from personal experience and also from others who are in similar position as me.
Further, I have tried to classify these arguments under some categories to make it easy for anyone concerned to analyse them. The names of the categories are arbitrary and one may stick to Type 1, Type 2 etc as they see fit.
However, a brief description of the essential nature of these types follows:
  1. Type 1: Personal Arguments:
    These may also be called Intrinsic arguments since they rely on the intrinsic worth/power of marriage in making you a better person. Marriage, it is said, inculcates in the couple the ability to share more, trust another person etc which result in the overall improvement of one's personality.
  2. Type 2: Familial Arguments:These are arguments which don't go as far as the Social Arguments, but limit themselves to the family circle and how your marriage will benefit the family.
  3. Type 3: Emotional Blackmail/Sentimental ArgumentsThese are, as the name suggests, sheer blackmail. There is a sentimental side to it also since that is necessary for blackmail to be effective.
  4. Type 4: Fear Inducing ArgumentsThese appeal to fear or even practical aspects of one's life and rely on the advantage marriage offers in tackling such issues.
  5. Type 5: Social ArgumentsThese are the most irritating arguments which are based on "what others will think" idea; they have very little to do with your well-being.
  6. Type 6: Philosophical ArgumentsThese are deep arguments which involve some conceptual or existential issue which requires one to first understand (or refute) those concepts in other to understand the argument.
  7. Type 7: Sarcastic Arguments These are no arguments at all. They are just sarcastic comments some wise-crack mama or mami make at you to sound cool and think that they have kalaaichi-fied you.
Some of the categories are not mutually exclusive and hence some arguments are listed under both categories (Table 1).
Next, I have also tried to analyse the types themselves on a rationality/convincingness axis (Figure 1). This helps us develop strategies to develop counter-arguments. For example, rhetorical arguments are better countered by rhetorical arguments etc. The area of the circle represents the number of arguments in that type.

List of arguments
  1. You need a companion in life.
  2. In old age who will take care of you?
  3. If you fall sick, no one will be there to bring you even a glass of water.
  4. X’s son(s) are happily married and have children also.
  5. People will think there is something ‘wrong’ with you.
  6. People will think I have not raised you properly.
  7. You must experience everything in life.
  8. It is your duty to enter grhastha-ashrama.
  9. How long your mother will be alone? She needs someone to help her around the house.
  10. Hindu/Brahmin population will go on falling, you have to sustain the number.
  11. You have to propagate your family.
  12. It will be an opportunity to get all family members together.
  13. You don’t want to give us a chance to wear nice dress?
  14. My responsibility will be over if I hand you over to some woman.
  15. All of us (men) are suffering, you think we will let you go happily.
  16. You will become a headless bullet. Family gives you direction.
  17. You want to while away your life without any responsibilities?
  18. Even in my old age you don’t want me to have rest?
  19. I am done doing for you.
  20. I don’t know what sins I have done you get a son like you who doesn’t listen. Or, X is lucky she/he has children who listen.
  21. I am unable to attend any function because wherever I go, they are asking me about your marriage.


    Table 1: Classification of Matrimonial Argument
    Figure 1: The relative strength and logical content of matrimonial arguments